My boys

I love my boys so much! I would go to the moon and back again and again and again (you get me) for my boys. I miss them when they are not with me, people call me sad, but I don't care what they say. Try and hurt my boys and look out! Anyone call my boys names (MIL) watch out evil mum will get them. No one hurts my boys.

My boys love me just as much. They show me all the time, they are such mummies boys. I know it hurts James that they want me not him, but mummy is always better when you are sick, tired, hurt etc.

                                                                  My beautiful Boys!!!

Growing to fast

My boys are growing to fast. It is making me sad, and  a little frighten. Ashton is standing up on everything. He is only 8 months old. He has even started walking around the furniture arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgghhh. I so don't want him to walk early but it looks like he might. God please help me :-) Look at the cheeky monkey!

S.T.U.P.I.D Husband

Sorry there is just not another word for him. He makes me so mad. Why does he have to be so...arrrrgghh! Why can't he tell his family where to go? They are so rude to him and just use him. He gets so angry and upset by them but he keeps going back and back for more.

He was ment to be working for them yesterday, put his work off (like usual...ah where does most of your money come from?????your work not work from your parents).THEN his father asks someone else to do the work so James was left high and dry. THEN I just found out today he travels an hour away (to what I though get stuff for his work although he did tell me yesterday most of it won't be ready till Thursday so he has to go back up) BUT he went to get things for his freaken father and the trucks thats all!!!!! S T U P I D!!!

He won't go and get work from this other person bc it would be cutting his family out of some work....ah they don't care about cutting you out of work and lets put it frankly they don't pay you correctly anyway. You winge about how much money we have but you let this happen continually, don't bother winging to me about it, its your own stupid fault.

Pain

Thursday, the day after I was ment to have my gall bladder out I had the most painful attack yet. I still remember the pain I was begging mum to make it stop. It was soooooo bad! From then on the attacks kept coming even if I had an apple nothing was stopping them and I was having a few a day. Sunday I decided I can't deal with it anymore and went to the hospital.

That is where I have been ever since. What a rigmoral but gee how I love morphine. 5 days stay, 2 operations and another one to happen in a fortnight. Ash was able to stay with me which was good and he was such a good little boy. His routine was all mucked up but he just took it like a trooper.

I hadn't eaten since Friday night where I made myself a small grilled chicken breast which have me another attack, the hospital wouldn't let me eat so I went 5 days with no food and I wasn't even hungry bc I knew that food would mean pain that I didn't want. I had to have a ERCP first which was involved no cutting just things down my throat. They got rid of a stone stuck in my bile ducted but went into the pancreatic stem by accident so had to put a stent in to stop me from getting panreatitis. Coming out of the surgery I had another gall attack and was not happy.

I was ment to be going home the next day my dr said he just wanted to check that my blood results had gone down (I was yellow bc they were so high bc of the blocked duct). He asked me if there is anything else I wanted and I told him for this gall to be gone. I went to have a shower and while their the dr came in and said to mum there has been a cancellation in surgery today how keen is she to have it done. So that night in I went and had it removed. I have 5 cuts in my stomach he found another stone stuck in my bile duct.

So on the 5th of April in for another ERCP to get the other stone and stent removed and I should be feeling like super woman.

Bloody hospital, bloody gall bladder!

Well on Tuesday they rang me and cancelled my operations. I said to the lady who rang me "You have got to be kiddin me!" I couldn't believe it, everything had turned out well. Dad was on holidays so Zack was right if James had to work. Mum took two days off to stay in hospital with Ashton and I and they were bloody cancelling it on me AGAIN!!!!

Guess what happened all day Thursday, YES and by far it was the worse attack yet. I was begging mum to make it stop. I went to hospital and got some strong pain killers, they wanted me to travel the hour to the hospital I am getting it out at but no way could I go that long in the car, the 2 minute trip to my local hospital was bad enough. Anyway after lots of vomitting and lots and lots of pain it lasted all night.

Friday I had fruit salad for breakfast and OUCH pain again but not major pain. 3pm it cleared and decided I better eat something for tea. Mash potato with nothing in it no milk, butter or cream nothing and walla another attack lasting most of the night. Lying down was torcher, sitting a little better, no sleep for me until 3.30am.

So today I am not eating anything. I can't deal with the pain again, I need sleep. I haven't even been hungry but I know I need to eat something tomorrow. Ash needs me to since he is still feeding regulary. I don't want my supply to decrease. My wonderful mum is at home making a modified version of sweet corn and chicken soup. Oh how I love my mummy so much! and a day without pain has been worth not eating today.

Makes my heart melt

I love listening to James talk to the boys. Every night I hear James, while putting Zack to bed telling him he loves him. It just melts my heart! A year ago Zack would have hardly ever heard that come from James' mouth, if ever. Zack replies with I love you to dad. Listening to it all unfold makes me want to go in to them and give them big kisses.

Then last night I was putting Zack to bed and James was up with Ashton. I was listening to James try to teach him to say dad and Ash kept saying mum, mum, mum LOL. He finally said Dad and the shriek of GOOD BOY that came out of James mouth was priceless. Although after that Ash continued with mum, mum, mum, the cheeky little thing.

Oh how I love my boys :-) <3 

They're home!

Zack is so pleased nanny and poppy finally came home. So am I to tell you the truth. With James driving the truck he has been gone all day until late and being left at home all day with 2 kids and no adult to talk to was driving me bonkers. Not to mention the crying and begging from Zack for me to take him to see pop. When I said he isn't there he wanted me to go to there place and wait for him to come home. Its hard when they don't understand the concept of time.

They bought lots of presents home for the boys and me of course. Zack just loves his animals and Ash is climbing all over his stuff toys.

Today when I was taking Zack up to mum and dads I was telling him Pop isn't there and he says. Oh no he hasn't gone on holidays again? LOL He was relieved when I told him he will be back soon he is only at bowls.

It will happen!

It will happen! They will end up hating their nan (my MIL) when they get older. It is only a matter of time. My 2 nieces do and she has done it all on her own. Sorry evil MIL you can't go round calling children not so nice names, you can't talk poorly of their mother and other grandparents to them. When the children get older they realise, I don't have to put up with it and won't!! Does it make you feel like a big person when you do it???? Does it make you feel good to put a child down and make them feel bad about themselves??? Your son (my husband) is a mess because he doesn't think he is good enough bc of you. YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!!

And while I am at it, talking about my 2 gorgeous nieces, I may as well have a winge about their father (James' brother). No they are not going to want to come see and stay with you if you take them down you your evil mother. No they don't want to come see you when you are doing horrible things to their mother. No they don't want to sit at your house and do nothing. They are teenagers for god sake do something with them, take them to the movies, take them shopping ANYTHING. Don't go blaming their other grandmother and mother for brainwashing them. They are teenagers, they know things that go on, they have a mind of there own and use it. If you were a nice person to them they might want to see you.

IL's you make me sick and make me worry about my poor kids having to have anything to do with you! I wish James would delete them from his life. I know he never will and I can't ask him too. No matter how horrible of thing they do to us. He has no guts!

It all evens out.....uh how????

James much to my disliking often works for his parents as well as his own business. I have started plotting all his hours on the calendar to make sure he gets paid for the days he works. Does he get paid fairly hell no! This is how my so lovely (not) MIL does it:
- $200 a day
- but if he only works a few hours 3-5 he gets $50
- but if he works 16 hours he still gets only $200
- If he works public holidays (12 hours mind you) sorry no you are working for family you don't get double time (arrr how bout helping your sons family who has alot less money then you, you have 10 times the about of money we have)

I was saying to James about how if he only works a few hours he only get $50 but if he works alot of hours he doesn't get any extra and he said his mum says it works out even. UMMMMM uh HOW? maybe if you got $200 for only working a few hours yes (but still probably not since you work many more big hour days then little hour days)

So much for looking out for your family hey. Lovely MIL only cares for herself and just so desperately wants us to fail and have to ask her for money. Well I would rather have my nails pulled out with pliers then ask you for anything!!!!!!!!

Its a going!

So I had another gall attack last Monday night and geez was I glad the dr had rang me the Friday before and told me a date to have it out. It had been months since I had had an attack and it even crossed my mind of leaving it there to keep the kg down. After much research I found that another pregnancy could bring on attack after attack on again and since I want another child I decided it had to come out, just when was the question?

So I went to the pre admission appointment today. It was a 2 hour appointment, Ash was my little angel and hardly made a sound during the appointment. James, who told me I could rely on him (when he was trying to get me to move town) decided that helping his father out (as he wanted to go somewhere) was more important then helping me out even though I told him last week I needed him to look after the boys bc mum and dad are away. BUT I must say in his defense he was working so making us money. Although his help would have been good today, he was lucky I had my aunty to call on, bc Zack at a 2 hour appointment would have been hell.

So next Wednesday is the day. To tell the truth I am a little scared about it. Fingers crossed that he can do it keyhole and doesn't have to open me up fully. The last thing I need is to be in hospital for a week. I am taking Ash with me as I am still breastfeeding him but hoping to be out the next day. I will be putting on a happy face that I am in very little pain bc I don't want to be stuck in a shared room. Call me a snob but the though of people hearing/seeing me sleep creeps me, so I doubt I will have much sleep that night anyway.

Zacks 3rd birthday

Last Sunday was Zack's 3rd birthday. I can't believe my baby is 3. Where did 3 years go? This year he was so excited and so into his birthday. He was telling everyone it was his birthday and showing everyone with his fingers how old he was going to be.

The night before I stayed up late trying to put together his cubby house we bought him. James told me to wake him up if he falls asleep putting Zack to bed, but when I went to wake him up he babbled some nonesence and wouldn't get up, so I set off to work by myself. It took HOURS but doing it by myself ment I could take my time and read the instruction (something James doesn't do so well). I was very proud of myself that I had almost everything done, just the seats to go. Well the seats were not easy, it was midnight, Ashton had been up once already for a feed and wowsers I was getting cranky (a few choice words to James were thrown in there too). I went to try wake James up again bc I needed his help and he got strait up and promptly said to me, "wow you have been busy, why didn't you wake me up" >:-/

James, Ashton and I were up waiting for him to wake up the next morning, at 8.15 we decided to wake him as soon as I said do you want some presents he was out of bed. As usual I had gone overboard with all of his presents.

             Ashton waiting for his brother to wake up to open his presents

Then I had to get busy making the dragon cake he wanted. Mum and I thought we were very clever and were very pleased with it.

He had a great party. I think he was getting very overwhelmed with all the presents everyone was giving him.
Here is a photo of him with his new bike my mum and dad gave him. It is like a motor bike and he loves it. He also has his dinosaur on his lap which he also loved.

1 year today :-(

The worse day of my life happened this day last year. I have been thinking about it all day. James doesn't know it was today a year ago. To think about it still upsets me that it ever happened. I still can't believe it happened. I still don't believe that he was capable of it. It is still roar in my mind.

BUT so much has changed since then thankgod! I could have been a single mother and thought I was going to be for 5 months but we are happy now and so are the kids and I can call him a father now.

Who cares about you, we are all that matters.

Thats what it is like with the in laws. They so only think about themselves. Today is SIL birthday so last night they had dinner. James didn't want to go but decided we probably should since it was for her birthday. James rings to see what time. He gets off the phone and this is how the convo went:

Me- What time are they having tea?

James- We have to pick Phil up at 8pm.

Me- You are fricken kidding me?

James- I wasn't no.

Me- We have a 7 month old that goes to bed at 8.30

James- Its not my fault, Phillip won't be ready until then.

Me- We have a 7 month old do they ever think about us.

James- Its not my fault.

I walk away with the shits

Really I wish he could stand up and say well sorry we won't be there thats to late for Ashton. But no we go down there and don't get down there till 8.15 bc we were waiting for Phillip, they have already eaten. (which didn't worry me bc I couldn't eat bc of my gall I had had tea) BUT really they couldn't even wait to eat tea, they so don't care about us. Why does James bother really, stop trying to please them when it is never going to happen.

Then we had to wait till all hours bc the kids wanted to go look for bunnies.

So we get home at 10.30pm, Ashton screaming and way over tired. And as a result of that I have been up half the night.

Thanks James grow some balls and think about us first instead of them. We are ment to be your number 1's not mummy and Philly.

ARRRRRRGGHHHHH!!

Sleepless nights

Oh to have a full nights sleep, it would be total bliss. I can't think of the last time I have had a full nights sleep, I know for sure it was over 7 months ago. Before that I wasn't having a full nights rest either as I was very pregnant and having nightly toilet breaks.

At the moment 3-4 hours strait sleep a night would be wonderful. There is something wrong with Ash and it is starting to worry me. I made a dr appointment for him today but have to wait to the 4th April, which is fricken ridiculous!

He is waking every half and hour to 1.5 hours over night screaming in pain, arching his back and wriggling, turning in my arms in pain. He is so hard to hold and it just breaks my heart seeing him like that. It makes it so much harder when I am so tired and so is he. As soon as I find a position he is comfy in (pain stops) he is asleep within a minute only to wake again very soon.

I hope it stops soon!! :-(

First day at preschool

Today my baby went off to preschool. He was sooooo excited. Last night we both packed his lunch he had to open and shut his lunch box and bad several times, it was so cute.

Today we went off to school, his cousin who was going to be there was sick so I didn't know how he was going to react because we had told him we will be meeting her there. In the end he didn't even ask about her. We went in, he tried to write his name, we put his lunch and water bottle in the fridge, he got some sunscreen put on and off he went with the teacher. I paid and went looking for him. He was happily playing in the sandpit. He came and gave me a kiss goodbye and went back to playing.

The day has been so quiet without him. I know he will be having a ball over there. I can't wait to go get him in an hour to see how his first day of school went.