Questioning Questioning

What a weekend. James went out not once but twice during the long weekend. It upsets me since alcohol is almost what broke us up in the first place. Well after the weekend it has me questioning whether I did the right thing in giving it another go. Is it bad that sometimes I think I am back for the kids. I question myself all the time when I am angry at James if I am here until my kids are old enough to not be so messed around. My biggest fear is my children spending to much time with MIL and thats what will happen if we separate/divorce. She talks badly about my SIL and SIL parents to her other sons kids and that is just not on in my opinion.

The whole time he is gone I am terrified. He promises nothing will ever happen again and I think its bullshit. He would have never hurt me in the first place if it wasn't for alcohol and he continues too. So he can't guarantee that with alcohol in his system he won't hurt me. Sunday night he came home pissed as. I have to tip toe around him being careful not to say anything that may upset him. Ok yes he never hit me but what he did was wrong!

Then I have to be all nice to his family when he won't even attempt to fix things with mine when it was him that did the wrong thing with them. Oh I am one pissed off women. Sometimes I think I would be much better off without him.