Zacks 3rd birthday

Last Sunday was Zack's 3rd birthday. I can't believe my baby is 3. Where did 3 years go? This year he was so excited and so into his birthday. He was telling everyone it was his birthday and showing everyone with his fingers how old he was going to be.

The night before I stayed up late trying to put together his cubby house we bought him. James told me to wake him up if he falls asleep putting Zack to bed, but when I went to wake him up he babbled some nonesence and wouldn't get up, so I set off to work by myself. It took HOURS but doing it by myself ment I could take my time and read the instruction (something James doesn't do so well). I was very proud of myself that I had almost everything done, just the seats to go. Well the seats were not easy, it was midnight, Ashton had been up once already for a feed and wowsers I was getting cranky (a few choice words to James were thrown in there too). I went to try wake James up again bc I needed his help and he got strait up and promptly said to me, "wow you have been busy, why didn't you wake me up" >:-/

James, Ashton and I were up waiting for him to wake up the next morning, at 8.15 we decided to wake him as soon as I said do you want some presents he was out of bed. As usual I had gone overboard with all of his presents.

             Ashton waiting for his brother to wake up to open his presents

Then I had to get busy making the dragon cake he wanted. Mum and I thought we were very clever and were very pleased with it.

He had a great party. I think he was getting very overwhelmed with all the presents everyone was giving him.
Here is a photo of him with his new bike my mum and dad gave him. It is like a motor bike and he loves it. He also has his dinosaur on his lap which he also loved.

1 year today :-(

The worse day of my life happened this day last year. I have been thinking about it all day. James doesn't know it was today a year ago. To think about it still upsets me that it ever happened. I still can't believe it happened. I still don't believe that he was capable of it. It is still roar in my mind.

BUT so much has changed since then thankgod! I could have been a single mother and thought I was going to be for 5 months but we are happy now and so are the kids and I can call him a father now.

Who cares about you, we are all that matters.

Thats what it is like with the in laws. They so only think about themselves. Today is SIL birthday so last night they had dinner. James didn't want to go but decided we probably should since it was for her birthday. James rings to see what time. He gets off the phone and this is how the convo went:

Me- What time are they having tea?

James- We have to pick Phil up at 8pm.

Me- You are fricken kidding me?

James- I wasn't no.

Me- We have a 7 month old that goes to bed at 8.30

James- Its not my fault, Phillip won't be ready until then.

Me- We have a 7 month old do they ever think about us.

James- Its not my fault.

I walk away with the shits

Really I wish he could stand up and say well sorry we won't be there thats to late for Ashton. But no we go down there and don't get down there till 8.15 bc we were waiting for Phillip, they have already eaten. (which didn't worry me bc I couldn't eat bc of my gall I had had tea) BUT really they couldn't even wait to eat tea, they so don't care about us. Why does James bother really, stop trying to please them when it is never going to happen.

Then we had to wait till all hours bc the kids wanted to go look for bunnies.

So we get home at 10.30pm, Ashton screaming and way over tired. And as a result of that I have been up half the night.

Thanks James grow some balls and think about us first instead of them. We are ment to be your number 1's not mummy and Philly.

ARRRRRRGGHHHHH!!

Sleepless nights

Oh to have a full nights sleep, it would be total bliss. I can't think of the last time I have had a full nights sleep, I know for sure it was over 7 months ago. Before that I wasn't having a full nights rest either as I was very pregnant and having nightly toilet breaks.

At the moment 3-4 hours strait sleep a night would be wonderful. There is something wrong with Ash and it is starting to worry me. I made a dr appointment for him today but have to wait to the 4th April, which is fricken ridiculous!

He is waking every half and hour to 1.5 hours over night screaming in pain, arching his back and wriggling, turning in my arms in pain. He is so hard to hold and it just breaks my heart seeing him like that. It makes it so much harder when I am so tired and so is he. As soon as I find a position he is comfy in (pain stops) he is asleep within a minute only to wake again very soon.

I hope it stops soon!! :-(

First day at preschool

Today my baby went off to preschool. He was sooooo excited. Last night we both packed his lunch he had to open and shut his lunch box and bad several times, it was so cute.

Today we went off to school, his cousin who was going to be there was sick so I didn't know how he was going to react because we had told him we will be meeting her there. In the end he didn't even ask about her. We went in, he tried to write his name, we put his lunch and water bottle in the fridge, he got some sunscreen put on and off he went with the teacher. I paid and went looking for him. He was happily playing in the sandpit. He came and gave me a kiss goodbye and went back to playing.

The day has been so quiet without him. I know he will be having a ball over there. I can't wait to go get him in an hour to see how his first day of school went.

Busy life

Life is busy with an almost 3 year old and a 6 month old, I don't get much time to myself and find myself staying up late when I FINALLY get Ashton to bed just to have some me time. So then I get tired as ASh just isn't sleeping very well, like last night it started the with waking every hour or so aarrgghhh.

James is pushing me to go back to work, are we desperate for money NO, he is worried bc he doesn't have much work, well he can get out and find a job that has a weekly income. Its not like he is going to help me with the housework, cooking and get up at night. I can't look after 2 kids, work and keep the house clean at the moment.

If I had 1 or 2 set days I would be back at work but I can't go getting a phone call at 7.30am asking me to be at work at 8.30 an 30minute drive away like I use to do. Its just not possible plus I need someone to look after the kids and daycare don't keep a spot incase you will need it they expect you to pay.

Casual work just is not possible with kids, get it James!!

No more

Zack has always been an easy going boy when we go somewhere (my aunties, swimming lessons or playgroup etc) he always tells people (mum and dad etc) what he did, jumping up and down very excited. BUT when he goes down to MIL and FIL he won't tell anyone a thing not even me or his father, he just ignores us or changes the subject. Even after much prompting like did you go on the tractor he won't say a thing.

Some times when James is going to take him down to M&FIL he says he doesn't want to go, so James plays the whole ok I will go without you and walks out the door and he continues playing happily. James comes in and takes him anyway. He asks alot if I am going down but I try to stay away as much as possible and I use to go down before and they got the shits bc I was watching them and they wanted time alone with him. As we have had our differences namely on the abuse she gives James and was to Zack to calling him names. Which has ment to stop now so James says, BUT.....there has to be some reason he doesn't want to go down there!

I have thought alot about this since last time it happened and next time he says he doesn't want to go I am telling James well he doesn't have to go. There has to be a reason for this behaviour and I think me making him go is only loosing his trust in me, he it trying to communicate something to me and I need to listen to him. This is surely going to cause arguments between James and I but he has to stop putting his mummy first and think of our child and think yes that is unlike Zack not to want to go somewhere something must be going on. Ha the chances of that are slim but to bad, no more.