No more

Zack has always been an easy going boy when we go somewhere (my aunties, swimming lessons or playgroup etc) he always tells people (mum and dad etc) what he did, jumping up and down very excited. BUT when he goes down to MIL and FIL he won't tell anyone a thing not even me or his father, he just ignores us or changes the subject. Even after much prompting like did you go on the tractor he won't say a thing.

Some times when James is going to take him down to M&FIL he says he doesn't want to go, so James plays the whole ok I will go without you and walks out the door and he continues playing happily. James comes in and takes him anyway. He asks alot if I am going down but I try to stay away as much as possible and I use to go down before and they got the shits bc I was watching them and they wanted time alone with him. As we have had our differences namely on the abuse she gives James and was to Zack to calling him names. Which has ment to stop now so James says, BUT.....there has to be some reason he doesn't want to go down there!

I have thought alot about this since last time it happened and next time he says he doesn't want to go I am telling James well he doesn't have to go. There has to be a reason for this behaviour and I think me making him go is only loosing his trust in me, he it trying to communicate something to me and I need to listen to him. This is surely going to cause arguments between James and I but he has to stop putting his mummy first and think of our child and think yes that is unlike Zack not to want to go somewhere something must be going on. Ha the chances of that are slim but to bad, no more.

Maybe just a little overboard :-)

I was wrapping the boys Christmas presents yesterday and WOW maybe I just went just a little overboard! Each boy has a LARGE garbage bag full and thats not including the one each from mum and dad, and the one from each other. Oh and not to forget the trampoline!!! I didn't realise I had so much. Just as well it only happens once a year. I haven't bought them home yet, James just might have a heart attack LOL.

Christmas :-(

I usually love Christmas! Ever since having to bring the inlaws into Christmas it hasn't been the same but still good. I always knew I could get through it. This year I am sooooo not looking forward to it, not one little bit and to tell you the truth it is depressing me. As it creeps closer and closer and am getting more unhappy. We always get to see both sides of the family.

The inlaws always open presents from each other the night before so I really don't see why I should miss out on opening presents with my family EVA, I mean he doesn't. I have had the majority of the day with his family 3 times now and every time it has been hell. The MIL goes even more evil (surprises me that, that can even happen). First year she was fighting with SIL, 2nd year BIL and last year DH (although it was all my fault which was bull bc I was trying to keep the peace).

Last year we took Zack 20mins away at 9pm(after his bedtime mind you) so he could be there to open the presents with them, to keep them happy. We asked that they go to church in our home town (the church MIL attends every week mind you) bc it is on earlier, which would mean we could go open presents earlier, so he could get to bed and not be overtired. BUT no bc SIL (whom might I add doesn't have children) doesn't want to go to that one. Anyway we turn up and they have already opened all the presents without us (church didn't go as long as they thought). James was so angry and upset that they didn't wait for Zack. I try to tell him our children are nothing to them all the time he just won't listen. So the next morning there is phone calls and James is adamant we are not going. We end up going bc my mum said she thinks we should and we don't get spoken to by anyone bar BIL and his then wife the whole time we are there.

This year the only one that talks to me won't be there bc BIL and her have separate and the thought of EVER going to anything with them now upsets me. I am meant to sit by myself now.

I just want to run away and have Christmas with my kids this year but I don't know if I can handle not being with my family. I HATE CHRISTMAS!!!

Ideal other half

Well last entry I mentioned fan fiction and for those who don't know what it is it is a site that allows people to write there own stories. Alot of people use characters out of others stories (such as twilight) and have there own plot. Some of the writers are so talented and really I love reading about Edward Cullen.

Edward is my ideal other half, I would be one happy lady to have a man like Edward. I dream about Edward coming to sweep me off my feet. Yes he is a fictional character and yes he is a vampire but he is so right, kind, caring and all those things you want in a man. Maybe a little obsessive but everyone has to have a negative right. And no I am not saying Robert Patterson because to tell you the truth he totally p!sses me off while acting, he does in twilight and the other day I watched Remember Me and he did in that too.

Poor James really doesn't have a chance while i am comparing him to a fictional character does he!

Life on replay!

Feels like my life is on replay, same thing day in day out. Get up, clean the same thing over and over and over again. I need some variety in my life.

I suppose yesterday was a but different we went down the street and Zack had a meltdown. I was so embarrassed and cranky with him bc it was over nothing. I even had people coming up to see if I was alright bc I had a tanting 2.8 year old swinging off one arm and a 3 month old under the other.

Today I decided I need a hobby (that isn't the wonderful world of fan fiction lol I do spend too much time reading about Edward Cullen, I really am quite sick :-)). So I am on look for a kid friendly hobby. I kinda wish I could sew I like looking at things people make. As soon as Ash is old enough I think I am going to start a sign language class it is something I have always wanted to do. Plus I never do anything for myself anymore.

Why is it so hard to say NO!!!

Why can't he say no to his brother? Really its not that hard, yes he may get the shits with you but he will soon get over it because soon he will want something else from you. You come home so pissed off that he has been mucking around and not doing what he wants help with and you have your own things to do, well say NO!!!!

He has promised me to get some jobs around the house done this weekend including the painting of Ashtons room which we took everything out of last weekend to paint but you had to go off with him to do something so i have furniture all over the house for a week, while the painting is still waiting to be done. Not even counting the door being fixed to keep your son inside and safe, cupboards fixed, lawn mowed so our son can play outside. But what brother wants brother gets we have always come after brother, bloody hell he puts his needs after his brother. PRIORITIES FOR GOD SAKE......tell him where to go he wouldn't do anything for you and you know it!!

Our Anniversary today

Today we have been married 4 years! We have had many good times in that four years. The birth of Zack and Ashton the best!

We didn't do anything special and I was disappointed. I was secretly hoping that he tried to do something a little special this year since the trouble we have been having. He didn't! I got him a card no present this year as I give him something every year and get nothing in return. Just like this year really.

He left at 3am driving the damn truck and didn't come home till 5.30pm although he got back from driving at 3pm he stayed at his parents. Pissed me sooooo much, he says he was working. Sorry no one does 14 hours for a shitty $200 and thats if they even pay him at all. He has done so much work for his parents for nothing. How are we ment to live with no money.

I shouldn't be posting this in the mood I am in I am to tired and emotional so I am going to come back later and write about our wedding when I feel better.